Abandoned for Him!

I struggle with so many thoughts. Trying to keep the lies of the enemy at bay is so hard! The thought I struggle with the most is feeling invisible and unimportant.

Being the oldest of five kids I think you feel a bit lost in all the others. Especially having gotten the most attention and then it's suddenly gone, it's hard to find yourself and importance in the madness.

For me it's so hard to not to take value for myself from boys. I strive so hard to get it from God but it is a struggle to not wrap my identity in a boy. Whenever a boy does something like doesn't have time for me or just always puts things that aren't important before some important things I wanted to talk about, it really speaks to my identity. I feel a lot of unworth and unimportance. Then I begin to distrust and the protective walls come up. I don't want to be hurt.

I want to my heart to automatically go to what the Father says of me. Instead of going to a place of hurt or anger, I want to hear the Father's words whispered into the broken places. I want to cast aside the lies and pick up the truth.

Why is that so hard to do?

My God sees me! I am important to Him. He always has time for me. No matter what He will never let me down. I mean so much to Him. My value and self worth is found in the Father and not people

People let you down....God never will.

People don't define you, God does.

~H~

Posted by Hannah at 9:45 PM | 1 comments  

Have you ever wondered why the movies like Pride and Prejudice move us as women so much? Why is that type of romance so fascinating? Why is it something that every woman desires?

I have been on a BBC movie watching kick lately. My friend told me of a series that someone had posted on youtube called North and South and I got sucked into watching it.

There is just something about the old romance that just thrills me to the core. I love watching that type of relationship. Here is how I see the scenes...
" The scene takes place in a ballroom full of dancing people. The man enters, looking around the room with a very bored expression on his face. Then his wandering eyes stop. A stunned expression comes over his face. He has just seen the most beautiful woman he has ever laid eyes on. No woman in the room compares. He is captivated and his heart instantly is hers."

That's how it always starts, but also with a bit of a twist....the woman thinks he's a prick...jerk...whatever you prefer. And so the story always continues with his adoring eyes following her, she judges and snubs him, he does many acts of love for her secretly, giving up hope she will ever love him, then of course there is a huge tragedy and all the kind things he has done and is doing is made known and her eyes are opened....then she falls for him. Of course there is always a scene where the confessing of love happens and he sweeps her off her feet to live happily ever after.

Why does that type of story always thrill me? Maybe because that doesn't happen in real life? I don't think that is true. I think many love stories that happen in books happen in real life too. Maybe they just are drowned out by all the tragic ones.

The stories thrill me because of how deep the adoration is in the man. The intensity of His love for Her. The love is not based on sex. He is not looking for the physical. He just wants her for who she is and for how captivating her beauty is. He pursues her...wants to make her his. And he never gives up. The looks, the pining, the chase, how he sees her for what she is....it's amazing. T

I see God like that. I prefer to see Him as a lover and friend than anything else. Maybe that is why these stories speak to me. Why I cry through every love movie and wedding. Unconditional and passionate love speaks to me....it's how God loves me.

I am a huge romantic

I know God is too

~H~

Posted by Hannah at 9:34 PM | 1 comments  

There are some big changes in my life happening soon! I wasn't sure if I would talk about it on here, but now that most of the fam knows it's no big deal I guess!

The 30th of June is my last day of work at the salon!!!! I am so excited. Not that I haven't enjoyed working there but I am def NOT an Ellijay girl AT ALL! So my last day is the 30th and then I am headed to Colorado for good! Jake is going to fly down and help me drive to Monument Colorado where he lives. We are both so excited for this change and to actually be able to date in person and not the phone...YAY!

I will be living with his family in their house and have not found a job yet, but I am not worried cause I know God has something there for me.

As excited as I am, it's kind of a scary step. I am leaving where I grew up for 22 years, all of my family and friends, and am starting a brand new life in Colorado! It's scary but exciting. An adventure!!!!!!

God has got some amazing things to show me out there. I am excited to discover them. I am excited to grow closer to my Jake and for our relationship to grow even closer with God as the center!

Yay for changes and adventures!

~H~

Posted by Hannah at 8:55 PM | 0 comments  

The season of babies and weddings has begun. If someone isn't getting married they are having a baby or delivering one! I think that weddings and babies are one of the most beautiful things that God has ever given us.

To be honest from about 18 til 20 I was on a no baby kick....being a nanny and the oldest of 5 kids does that I think...and then all of a sudden this year I am on a huge baby kick.

Seems like most of my friends are getting married and having babies. Now don't get me wrong I love the fact that I dont have the kinda stuff they do and that I am free to go as I please but I am getting to the point where I am ready for it.

I am ready to be married...not so much for babies yet.....and having adventures with my husband. I am ready to be a mom in a few years. Or at least ready for someone in my family to have a baby....come on now people!

The more I think about it the more excited I get to be married and have adventures...YWAM! And then to also raise a family in that environment. It's kinda exciting to think about!

Right now the main focus is the marrying part I think. I have such an excitement and anticipation for it even though I know it's not all roses and rainbows. I am excited for the adventure and challenge. And the growth that God will do in me!

All I am doing now is waiting and enjoying my love while I wait. Life with him is fun!

Sorry I was kinda all over the place with my thoughts

~H~

Posted by Hannah at 11:26 PM | 0 comments  

This is my new favorite song by Kari Jobe.
Right now in life it speaks a lot to me so enjoy!

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

Posted by Hannah at 8:31 PM | 0 comments  

God is really showing me a lot right now and it's kinda overwhelming.

One thing I have discovered is that I have a lot of fear in me. I am afraid of death, of being left alone, that someday Jake will decide that I am not it for him, of diappointing people, of change, and sometimes even of God. Being full of fear is exhausting. It is frustrating!

One thing that God is showing me is that I need to stop feeding the fear and listening to it. I need to give it up and trust Him in everything. Trust Him in the fact that He has got my life and everything in it and that I don't need to worry!

I am really bad at realizing that and laying down my fear and self. Laying myself down so that God can come in and pick me up!

He has always been good at calming my fears. His peace seeps in whenever it gets to be too much.

Oh how He loves me

~H~

Posted by Hannah at 9:19 PM | 0 comments  

Oh I really hope that there are no more showers in store this spring. There was so much rain March and I am ready for warm weather!!!!!

I have been meaning to update this thing but haven't really been in the bloggin mood really. This past week Jake came to see me which was absolutely amazing! I love spending time with him.

Jake and I were talking about how cool it is to think how we were just best friends once without the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing and how easily and normal it was to transistion. There was no weirdness when it became more than friends. We love hanging out b/c not only are we best friends but we also love each other in a way that is more than friends. It's really cool to be in love with your best friend. I can tell him anything and it's never uncomfortable and I know he loves me no matter what I say! Ah it was such an amazing week. I miss him a lot.

I am def ready for the summer though. Spending time with Jake and enjoying warm weather and the new adventure in life....getting out of Ellijay! It's so awesome and cool to see how God is working and has worked in both of our lives and how He put us together. We have such an awesome adventure ahead of us and we are both so excited!

Right now we are working towards going back to England in 2011. Both of our hearts are for missions and also back in England so we are working to getting back out there! Also next summer we really want to go with Jake's church on a missions trip to Uganda. We both have a heart for Africa and would jump at the chance to go!

God is def teaching me a lot in this season of life. He has shown me that I have some fears that I need to work through. I need to stop living in fear and to trust God in the day to day life.
I also have been shown that I have too much expectation on myself. I expect myself to be perfect and that is not humanly possible. I am really hard on myself when I mess up. God is showing me that I am human and only He is perfect. I need to give myself the grace that He has shown me.

God has really shown Himself to me in Jake. It's so amazing to be blessed with a man who values you for yourself and doesn't want you to be someone else. TO be loved unconditionally is beautiful. Jake loves on me very well. God def shines through Him. God has shown Himself in everything that Jake does for me. It's like God is saying that this is how He feels about me except ten times more! It's amazing and I am so blessed to have a God that loves me so much!!!!

So yeah there is some of my life as of now for everyone!
~H~

Posted by Hannah at 11:24 PM | 0 comments