Abandoned for Him!

So I cant sleep hence the post before. I really should be sleeping since I have to wake up in about 5 hours to work.

There are so many thoughts in my head right now.

I know the next step for me. Back to YWAM.

I am still praying through it, but I have been feeling the tug to go back to YWAM since the beginning of the year. God has called me to missions and I have such a love for that organization.

So I am not too sure what that looks like right now cause I am still in the healing process, but I would like to go back to the base I did my YWAM at which is Holmsted Manor. I would like to go back in September of 2010.
I also have a friend who is going then too.

We will see what God does. Those are just a few thoughts about it, but I am still praying.

I am excited

~H~

Posted by Hannah at 12:09 AM | 0 comments  

"I cant sleep.
While imagining life at Holmsted again, I have these thoughts come into my head. I hope they are from God and not me making them up. I believe they are Him.
The other night I heard this and now it's coming back.

"It's time to move the Ring Hannah."

Ever since I had that day with God after Andrew and I broke up, I have not been able to wear my ring on my left hand. I cant. I know it doesn't belong there.


"You have been redeemed, found blameless. There is no more shame
over you, Hannah. Beloved, move the ring. You have been forgiven."


I hear these thoughts and doubt they are God. At the same time why would I talk to myself this way?
I don't know if I can move the ring. I don't want this to define me and I don't want to be the victim. I want these things to be broken over me. The ties to be severed.
Can I move the ring?
Do I have the courage?
I feel shame. I feel numb to it.
I want there to be a joy when I share that part of my story. Knowing that God used the crap in my life to refine me. He used that part of my story to show me His unfailing love.

I boast all the more strongly in Him for in my weakness He is strong!

God is using me, refining me, and restoring me. In my doubts, He proves Himself.

Can I move the ring?
Can I do it as a symbol of shame being removed?
can I give this shame to Him?

In my weakness, My God is stronger.

With Him by my side anything is possible.
I will move the ring.
He covers me with love.
I am blameless.
A new creation.
Without shame.
REDEEMED!"

~H~

** Just thought I would share an entry from my journal.

Posted by Hannah at 11:56 PM | 0 comments  

This is the verse that is getting me through all this.
I am clinging to it.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; Therefore I will wait
for Him."
The Lord is good to those who hope is in Him,
to the one who seeks Him;
it is good to wait for the salvation of the Lord."
~Lamentations 3:19-27~

Posted by Hannah at 11:38 PM | 1 comments  

In Hosea it talks about how God will lead us into the desert place and speak tenderly to us.

My life is a desert place right now.

For those of you who don't know I moved all the way from Georgia to Colorado to be near my boyfriend. We had been dating long distance for 6 months and thought it was time to date in person. So I uprooted my life, packed it in the car and moved.
We had a fab relationship...minus the little tifts.

Four days ago Jake told me that God was calling him to be single

My world seemed like it was falling apart.

I have no family here, three friends in the area, no where to stay, no money. I have nothing!

He started speaking already before it had even started.
God provided a place for me to stay for a bit til I am on my feet. This lady is so amazing. Her and her family have been such an incredible blessing and I just met them 4 days ago. They feel like family!

God is faithful. Even if I am struggling with being angry with Him, with feeling abandoned by Him. He is speaking to me in everything. As the week goes on my anger slowly drifts away and the love and peace of God seep into my heart and soul.

He speaking tenderly to me. I am seeking His voice in all of this.
My heart is being awakened again to the passions He has implanted in me.

I have hope because of His great love I am not consumed!!!!!
I will not be consumed
I am His and HIs alone
I have been created to sing HIs praises to every nation
I am HIs

~H~

Posted by Hannah at 8:19 PM | 1 comments  

The part in Anne of Green Gables where Anne asks Marilla to call her Cordelia cause she thinks her name is boring, cracks me up every time I see it. In reality, though, if you stop and dig a little deeper into that scene you see that it's all about a little girl who think no one wants her. That if she changes her name she will be loved. She thinks everything about her is plain when in all actuality many think her pretty. Funny how that is how so many girls and women feel today!

AND.....that's how I feel right now. I have been struggling to find my place here. I was talking to God the other day and I told them that ever since coming home from YWAM I feel as if I have lost my identity a bit. Who am I? Who am I in Him? I think I know that last one a bit more than the first. What makes me me????

I feel as if I dont fit in. The way I do things are so different than others. The way I was raised, where I was raised, my opinions, the way I dress, what I think....everything. I even had an older woman come into the coffee shop where I work and tell me that I was doing the wrong thing with my life by working and saving for missions and that I should go to college! Never mind what God is saying to me, everyone wants me to go and do what they think is right.


Who are they to determine my life? Did they create me? Was I created in their image???? Did their breathe bring me to life?

With everything in me I will continue to go the way GOd has shown me and seek Him in everything. Even if it doesn't go the way EVERYONE ELSE wants. My life was created for me to serve my Beloved! I want to fullfill my purpose

No finding out who I am in that purpose is a whole other adventure.

It's not easy being somewhere where you have only one person. Relying on them for a lot! But then again I guess that's how God wants us to be with Him.

I am learning so much about Him and myself in this period of life. It's hard and sometimes it sucks really bad! But I know that through the hard times God is there. Through the good He is there.

He is always with me

~H~

Posted by Hannah at 7:42 PM | 3 comments  

A spectacular life...what does that really mean? What does it entail???

Lately at the Mill, which is the college church at New Life Church, we have been diving into the book of James. It's been really interesting learning about what James is saying to the church. I think the most of what I have gotten out of it is what we talked about last night.

We have talked a lot about maturing our faith and what that looks like. Last night Aaron Stern, the pastor at the Mill, said that mature faith is an act of submission to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in our lives. By willing laying down everything at the feet of God and telling Him to be Lord of our life and not us.

Then we had a time of where we just confessed anything in our hearts that might be holding us back. It was just a time between us and God.


During that time I realized that I had been holding something back. Myself.

Back at Holmsted, when we were praying through where to go on outreach, I had been wrestling about where to go. I really felt like God was asking me if I was really willing to go wherever He sent me. I said yes and went to Poland, which was not my first pick.


Last night I realized that I had been holding my willingness back. I had not been giving God a willing heart but a "I want my way" heart. I need to be willing. It's what He has called me to do. To be willing and full of Grace. He has anointed me and I need to bring honor to His name. Not what can I get out of God to make me feel better but what can God get out of me in order to use me for His glory! To make His name known among the nations for the restoration of His kingdom.

So there is just a little of what God is showing me

~H~

Posted by Hannah at 3:21 PM | 2 comments  

I don't think it has ever been in the '50s in the summer where I am from. Well here is def is! Last night it was forty nine degrees! Craziness? I think so.


Life has been ok so far. It's been really hard adjusting to living with a new family and learning the family dynamic. It's also super quiet here which is the COMPLETE opposite of my family.

So new family, new church, new state, new job, new house, new food (def miss my mothers cooking.) new friends, NEW EVERYTHING! It's been very overwhelming and I am trying my hardest to adjust.

On a positive side of things....the boyfriend is amazing. He has done his best to make sure I have everything I need and that I have a smooth transition. Jake is so awesome and is always there to listen and for me to cry on his shoulders when I have a particularly hard day. He is such a blessing!

My new job is going well. I only work three days this week and if training goes well Aric is going to give me 30 hours next week. I get tips as well so that is always nice. We also do most of our own baking there so I am very good at making Scones and coffee cake!


God has been very faithful in all of this. I can't do it without Him!

~H~

The Beautiful Rockies in the distance

Posted by Hannah at 9:55 PM | 1 comments